Yesterday was a hard day for me. I went to a memorail service to say good bye to a wonderful man. His name is Tom but everyone called him T. He was the kind of man who would do anything for anyone if he knew that they needed help. He was there to support you emotionally if you needed it. He was dagnosed with cancer at about the same time I was the last time. We were both going through treatments at the same time. It was hard to say good bye to him.
I keep wondering why I got better as he progressivly got worse. Why was I allowed to live and he wasn't? It doesn't quite seem fair to me. Don't get me wrong. I am greatful that God spared me this time around. But I have to wonder what God has planned for me since he let me be healed. I have been feeling guilty about surviving. I know....stupid....but true.
I tried to explain what I was feeling to Chris last night. I think he was wondering about the kind of relationship I had with T. Which is really crazy. Chris is the only man I even look at since I met him. And besides that, T was old enough to be my dad. He isn't as old as my dad, but his daughter is about the same age as I am. T was just a wonderful friend who really knew how to be a friend.
I'm sorry for dumping this all on you. I just needed to write it all down and get it off my chest. I hope you all have a wonderful weekend.
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